5 Marriage Counselling habits to prioritise

When you’re caught up in the memorable, life-changing, exciting moment of your wedding, it can be hard to imagine that you and your spouse might not live together happily ever after. The truth is, sharing your life with your significant other can be a challenge, especially if you don’t have much experience with relationships. Successful marriages take work, commitment, patience, and love, but they also need respect on both sides to be truly happy. A marriage based on love and respect doesn’t just happen. Both spouses have to do their part.

In reality, getting married is the easy part relatively speaking, staying happily married over time is the hard part. The foundation for this success is built on understanding and applying some basic truths to your marriage. If you feel you have lost traction in your marriage, maybe one or more of these five core ideas have been neglected. Use these ideas to reflect honestly on your own marriage or relationship, and play the role of being your own DIY marriage counsellor at home, rather than a spouse who is complicit in the continued stagnation in the relationship.

Marriage Counselling DIY Habit 1: Your Response Matters

If your spouse picks a fight with you because you left the milk out, you may feel it’s fair to strike back because “she/he is picking a fight with me.” You may be correct, but the power rests with you in determining your response, and how long you want the tension to be dragged on for.

By following the principle of considering carefully your first response, you can take a volatile situation and redirect it into a conciliatory one. Remember, you are in control of your response.

Marriage Counselling DIY Habit 2: Your Day to Day Communication Matters

Effectively communicating regularly with your spouse is one of the best ways to keep your marriage healthy and happy. Be honest about what you’re feeling, but be kind and respectful when you communicate, especially if the topic is uncomfortable. Part of good communication is being a good listener and taking the time to understand what it is your spouse wants and needs from you.

Marriage Counselling DIY Habit 3: Trust Matters

Trust is the foundation that all successful marriages are built upon. If you and your spouse don’t fully trust each other, the foundation of your marriage will start to break, bit by bit, leading to larger problems in the future. Trust is earned but it is also exemplified. Set the example in the relationship in demonstrating trust first, and give your partner an example to follow. Don’t wait for your spouse to act first.

Marriage Counselling DIY Habit 4: Building A Bond Matters

With work and family responsibilities, it can be easy to lose the romance factor. As a couple, It’s important to talk to one another without all the distractions of your day to day lives. Plan weekends away, special date nights, either to go out or just stay at home. If you have children, maybe send them on a play date while you relax, talk, and enjoy each other’s company.

Marriage Counselling DIY Habit 5: Forgiveness Matters

Everyone makes mistakes, but you might notice them more in your spouse given that you spend the most amount of time in their company. Your spouse may hurt your feelings or do something that upsets you, and that may make you angry. But it’s important to deal with your feelings in the right way, acknowledge mistakes, and forgive. This person is there for you at the end of the day, and you are there for them, so forgiving imperfections and faults is important, whilst we learn and apply the lessons learned along the way.

You, your spouse, and your relationship may grow and change with time, but these principles remain as the nourishment your marriage needs to stay successful over the years. If you feel despite implementing these concepts into your home situation, things are not as they should be within your marriage, it would make sense to utilise the services of a marriage counsellor or therapist to help get you to the next level within your relationship.

I’m a Counselling Psychologist situated in Blairgowrie, near the northern suburbs of Johannesburg, such as Rosebank and Sandton.

I work with individuals, couples, families, and small groups to address current challenges with a solution-focused approach. These challenges may include some more common complaints such as depression, and anxiety, or those trying to come to terms with trauma or bereavement.