Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Counselling

Couples or relationship counselling is often entered into because the couple in question feel that they have run out of ideas and have, in their minds, hit rock bottom in the relationship. However, there are many couples who might be experiencing similar feelings of futility about the future of their relationship, that never put their hands up and ask for help. Those who are brave enough to enter couples counselling have demonstrated something important: they haven’t yet given up.

Here are 10 frequently asked questions about couples counselling and their answers

What Can We Expect From Couples Therapy?

Consulting sessions are generally 50- 55 minutes in duration but we can negotiate for a longer time if our schedules allow. This can be useful as each partner needs sufficient time to speak. Ideally, if you can spare 75 minutes, then that is ideal.

Couples counselling or relationship counselling, can help couples in navigating all types of situations together. Some couples seek counseling to strengthen their existing relationship whilst others will seek to reconnect and re-establish the happiness they both felt in the relationship previously.
Relationship counseling can also help couples who plan to get married; Premarital counseling can help couples achieve a deeper understanding of each other and iron out differences before marriage.

In other cases, couples seek to repair their relationship difficulties and may also want help with specific issues, such as communication problems, sexual difficulties, infidelity, trust issues, and so on.

If We Come In For Couples Counselling, Does That Mean Our Relationship is ‘Bad’?

Definitely not. All couples go through struggles, challenges, have disagreements, and conflicts from time to time, and getting professional counselling support is a sign that you and your partner are committed to each other and to making your relationship healthier. Every relationship can use extra support to guide and resolve tensions and to practice healthy communication habits to work through future difficulties.

Do You Help With Issues Around Infidelity?

Yes, infidelity comes up fairly often as a reason couples seek out and enter into couples counselling. I respect any couple who are courageous enough to bring this into the counselling space, as often there are very raw feelings of embarrassment, anger, and heartache that still being strongly felt. It’s something that people are obviously very reluctant to reveal for these reasons. The benefit of sharing this in the counselling room is that it is an environment free of judgment, confidential and safe.

Do You Take Sides?

Absolutely not. As a couples counsellor, it’s my job to be nonjudgmental and impartial. It Is also not my job to mediate or referee an argument. I am only on the side of the relationship.

Is What We Discuss Confidential?

Yes, couples counselling (as with all therapy) is completely confidential and I take your privacy very seriously. My commitment to any client is absolute in this regard, and only in situations of risk to someone’s life or court order requiring me to offer testimony, can I break this rule.

My Partner Is A Very Private Person And May Have Difficulty Talking About Our Issues. Can You Still Help Us?

It is quite common for one or both partners to struggle to articulate the challenges they are facing. If you have come to couples counselling, I make the assumption that you will at least try to consider and answer the questions that come up, as I assume that nobody would go through all the trouble of booking and attending therapy if there wasn’t something they wanted to get out of the process.

Do You Offer Online Couples Counselling?

Yes. Counselling can be just as effective as in-person counselling. Because I am less interested in non-verbal communication and very interested in the language clients use to express themselves, I don’t usually feel the online platform deters from the effectiveness of couples counselling. Research has so far shown that online counselling can help and be effective. Learn how to get the most out of it here.

How Long Does It Take Before We Start To See Changes?

It depends on a few factors, but most couples I work with engage in therapy until they feel like they can continue moving forward on their own. This can be in anything from a couple of weeks’ attendance to a few months.

Some couples schedule therapy for a very specific issue and can get some relief after the first session, other couples experience broader issues which can be more complicated and require a longer-term commitment

We may also choose to review and discuss how you think the therapy is going, and at any point, you can opt to stop temporarily or permanently. You can also resume counselling again at any stage.

What Happens In The First Session?

Initially, I’ll spend some time getting to know you both and ask questions that are designed to help me get a deeper understanding of how the two of you came into each other’s lives. The best part of couples counselling (for me at least) is that every couple has a ‘love story’ attached to it: the when, where, how, and why two people felt love for each other. I will most certainly want to hear about this in the first session or two.

What Will My Relationship Look Like After Counselling?

That will depend on what you wanted it to look like when we initially began the couples counselling process together, but in essence, it may be reminiscent of a time in your history together when you felt strong positive emotions towards each other, and hopefully will see you pulling those sentiments into your present lives in new and creative ways, that fit with the people you have become today.

I’m a Counselling Psychologist situated in Blairgowrie, near the northern suburbs of Johannesburg, such as Rosebank and Sandton.

I work with individuals, couples, families, and small groups to address current challenges with a solution-focused approach. These challenges may include some more common complaints such as depression, and anxiety, or those trying to come to terms with trauma or bereavement.